Frankie the Killer Pooch
It started with an ordinary trip to the shopping centre with my wife and ended with me agreeing to buy a dog. Not that it was very hard - I have wanted a dog my whole life.
And what a dog. I don't mean to brag, but I now own the cutest dog in the entire world. Yes including Lassie. Yes, also the dog in the Sorbent ad.
Not only is she the cutest dog in the world but she is also the smartest. In literally five minutes we had her sitting and then lying down - not bad for the first day. With this speedy success in mind, I am already mulling over ideas for training that will help with my plot for world domination (which is going nicely by the way).
Another fantastic use for my new killing machine would be for cat eating. Not just any cat of course (it wouldn't do to have it eating my two for example - well ok, maybe the grumpy one), I would have to train it to eat specific cats, like Scroop's for example. Ever since the incident1, I have been plotting my revenge on that miniature Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. Honestly I would be doing him a favour anyway as I am sure it is not just his looks and vegetarianism to blame for his lack of a girlfriend. Unnatural affection for a tabby cat is more than enough to scare away the most desperate of women.
[1] Like a furry, more eloquent version of George W. Bush, it launched a preemptive strike on my arm, using it as a fireman-pole for her descent from a bench to the floor. I still wake at night in a cold sweat.
Not only is she the cutest dog in the world but she is also the smartest. In literally five minutes we had her sitting and then lying down - not bad for the first day. With this speedy success in mind, I am already mulling over ideas for training that will help with my plot for world domination (which is going nicely by the way).
Another fantastic use for my new killing machine would be for cat eating. Not just any cat of course (it wouldn't do to have it eating my two for example - well ok, maybe the grumpy one), I would have to train it to eat specific cats, like Scroop's for example. Ever since the incident1, I have been plotting my revenge on that miniature Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. Honestly I would be doing him a favour anyway as I am sure it is not just his looks and vegetarianism to blame for his lack of a girlfriend. Unnatural affection for a tabby cat is more than enough to scare away the most desperate of women.
[1] Like a furry, more eloquent version of George W. Bush, it launched a preemptive strike on my arm, using it as a fireman-pole for her descent from a bench to the floor. I still wake at night in a cold sweat.
posted by Leedrick at
8:55 PM
5 Comments:
I see you like to open your cans of worms with large powerful explosive tools, ensuring maximum worm fallout. Not only did you diss 'the cat' (as he has been known to refer to Lindor) but you publish his eating disorder for the world to see. You know he likes to break people in on that news easy like.
You know hes gonna have a tantrum. Those tantrums usually come in the form of a good hard blogging.
That said, you are one hoopy frood. I really sass that. Your dog's pretty cute too.
By
paul, at October 26, 2004 11:02 AM
I believe his eating dissorder should be spoken about as publicly as possible. It is as close to an intervention as I can be bothered to get. Perhaps if he experiences public disdain for his disgusting habit he might reconsider it.
The same applies to the cat. I actually rewrote the post in order to soften the blow when it came to her. The original post contained much stronger dissing.
I am unconcerned by his trantrums, in blog form or otherwise. Actually, the thought of fearing such a top-heavy cat loving vegetarian (kung fu master or otherwise) makes me want to laugh out loud.
Thank you for your comments. You also appear to be a man who knows where his towel is, at least apon first sassing.
By
Leedrick, at October 26, 2004 1:57 PM
You deserved the mauling you got. My beautiful cat doesn't deserve this kind of shabby treatment.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalogue... alright, Sears catalogue.
By
scroop, at October 26, 2004 10:38 PM
A
By
mortgage, at November 29, 2005 9:24 AM
Hi, there Leedrick, I dropped in to look over this post because I wanted some info on dog training course. I have to admit, theres some pretty good info here but I could not find anything about Frankie the Killer Pooch specifically. I was looking for information on dog training course. Great blog thanks for the read.
By
dog training course, at December 16, 2005 10:27 PM
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