Leedrick

VOTE #1 MARK

2007-06-05T09:46:00.001+08:00

Mark has made it to the third round of the Small Press Idol comic competition with his comic Mid Ground.

This round required him to submit 3 pages of what will be his #0 issue comic, which you can see here.

He needs votes to get him through to the next round, so if you like his work please take the time to vote. You need to register for the forum (top left), then post a message in this thread containing "yes".

Small Press Idol

2007-05-08T13:47:00.000+08:00

My friend Mark has made it through to the second round of a comic book competition called Small Press Idol.

This round won by member votes, so if you like his work, please take the time to register and post a message with "yes" in it.

http://www.dimestoreproductions.com/component/option,com_smf/Itemid,137/topic,2856.0/

It's a girl!

2007-05-02T15:18:00.001+08:00

At the 20 week scan we found out we are having a girl, so I can't use any of the suggested names really, except perhaps Lucien.

Annoying Thing #1

2007-05-02T15:06:00.000+08:00

I hate it when people say or type "Period." at the end of their sentence.

If they have typed it, there is already a period there. If they are speaking, the period is implied by the pause or change of topic.

It's just plain annoying. Period.

13 Week Ultrasound

2007-02-23T13:48:00.000+09:00

I still can't think of a decent boy's name. The names I have suggested so far, "Akira", "Konan" and "Spider-man" have all been rejected by my wife.

Director Bob kindly suggested "Director Bob" as an appropriate name, but what if he decides to become a director? "Director Director Bob Swanson" sounds a little silly to me.

Feel free to offer any suggestions. Serious ones will be even more appreciated.

Here are the 13 week ultrasound pictures taken today. On the video we could see it wriggling around. It was totally awesome.

2007-01-20T11:01:00.000+09:00

Bob's Gift

This is a Christmas film I made with Director Bob.

Oops they did it again

2006-12-04T10:50:00.000+09:00

Finally, the Channel 4 series The IT Crowd is being re-developed by writer and executive producers David Guarascio and Moses Port (Just Shoot Me, Mad About You); and Joe Port and Joe Wiseman (Son of the Beach, Dilbert).

They played with my heart, got lost in the game. ¹
[1] I had to look the lyrics up, honest.

With great power...

2006-11-17T13:11:00.000+08:00

My wife's sister is visiting from Brisbane for the next month or so, and with her she brought my 2 nephews and niece.

As they have been living over east I don't know them very well, but they seem like great kids and I do feel that as an Uncle I have a certain amount of responsibility.

Growing up I didn't have much to do with my uncles, and I can't help but wonder how different a person I might have been had I had their influence and guidance. Perhaps I might have achieved more in life, perhaps I would have become the Fire Fighting, Pro-Wrestler Astronaut of my dreams.

I want to be the best uncle I can be, but I don't want to move too fast, so I put to you a question:

How long should I wait until I ask one of my nephews or niece to pull my finger?

Harmless Manta Ray Blamed for Sting Ray Barb

2006-10-19T15:55:00.001+08:00

(see picture)

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=153839

China is Everywhere

2006-10-12T09:03:00.000+08:00

A real estate company is currently running an ad on Australian television boasting of their global presence.

It shows an agent hammering in a "For Sale" sign, only to have it knocked back up, because a man is hammering a sign in at the same time, on the other side of the world.

It's not a bad idea for an ad, except that the second man is in China. If his unusually long sign post is ending up in china, he needs to straighten his sign.

How stupid can these writers be? China is mentioned as being on the other side of the world in US television shows, so they think it applies to everywhere?

Imagine if these great minds had made the ad in China. A Chinese man is hammering in a sign, only to be foiled by... a Chinese man!

Maybe I missed the point of their ad. Maybe they are saying the have bendy signposts¹.

[1] Lets face it, when choosing a real estate company, you want one with flexible signposts.

The Crocodile Cuddler

2006-09-05T14:48:00.000+08:00

Steve Irwin is dead and I can't really believe it.

He was a Tool, but he seemed a decent, innocent, enthusiastic, friendly man.

I never would have thought his death would affect me as it has. I'm really sad.

Project Greenlight

2006-08-21T11:30:00.000+08:00

Allow me to take this opportunity to thank Director Bob, for buying me a couple of legit transformers. Whoever said that whining on the InterWeb didn't get you free stuff was a liar.

Unfortunately when I called up my childhood friends to see if they wanted to play Transformers, they told me they were now into the Beast Wars version, and that my plane and truck weren't really compatible.

Speaking of Director Bob, his feature length screenplay "Pepper" recently made the top 50 in the Australian Project Greenlight competition. As a result he was expected to create a 3 minute scene from the script, which would then be used to determine the top 16.

Unfortunately despite a huge effort from Bob and the suckers he roped in to help, it didn't make the cut. I blame the sound recordist.

You can view the result of his hard work on his blog. Please add some constructive comments.

UPDATE: Apparently if the clip hadn't contained the animation, it would have gotten into the final 16. This is by no means a reflection of the quality of the animation, which is awesome - thanks to the self-described Jack Bauer animation skillz of Rosey and Tim - but rather that animation violated a regulation.

If you get a chance, check out Tim's web comic.

Less Than Meets the Eye

2006-08-07T14:33:00.000+08:00

I arrived back from my snowboarding trip, bones intact, but with an almost unusable right arm. My advice to anyone trying snowboarding for the first time is this: Get a lesson before you take off down an intermediate, frozen solid slope.

The buzz on the web recently regarding Michael Bay's Transformers movie has brought back a host of painful memories for me. Michael Bay's portfolio, whilst horrifying in itself, is not the source of my trauma, rather the memory of the very Robots-in-Disguise that causes me to curl into a rocking, whimpering ball.

The year is 1984. Transformers merchandising has taken over most of the known world and children everywhere are playing with toys that are at the same time a vehicle and a humanoid robot. Children everywhere that is, except those living in my house. My young friends reenact epic battles between the Decepticons and the Autobots while I watch from the sidelines, emitting a vibe of longing I hope will cause someone to lend me their toy for a few precious minutes.

My fourth birthday arrives and I frantically rip through the wrapping paper searching for the robot logo that would make my dream of acceptance a reality. A cricket bat. A policeman hat. A plastic sword. Useless. My grandparents arrive and I am handed their contribution. The packaging is the right shape. It's a bit light, but even a small transformer would do... I rip open the wrapping paper. It's a Transformer! Wait... What the heck is this?

My grandparents had bought me an imitation Transformer. This is not necessarily a complete loss, as one of my friends had a Transformer copy that had a spring mechanism allowing it to transform at the press of a button. But this imitation was different.

Firstly, the vehicle was a cement mixer. Secondly, it was about 5 centimetres long. Thirdly and most importantly, it had to be taken apart completely (as in into individual pieces), then reassembled, to "transform" it into its very vaguely humanoid form. I wonder if Michael Bay's live action movie will feature a cement mixer that falls into pieces, hoping someone will come along and give it a helping hand putting itself back together.

If you had walked through my neighborhood after that day, you may have seen a pack of children run by, Transformers held aloft. If you had looked closer you might have seen a young boy at the back, spitting as he made rocket noises for his flying cement mixer. "Transform!" one kid would yell, and immediately the toys would convert into their humanoid forms at either the press of a button or a series of twists. The pack would continue with excited yells, spring loaded rockets flying at any girls or animals unfortunate enough to be caught in its path.

Left far behind, a lone boy would sit on the ground trying desperately to reassemble his cement mixer into a gunless, pathetic excuse for a humanoid robot.

Extreme - To the Max!

2006-07-21T10:25:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow I embark on a snowboarding trip to Falls Creek. I have never snowboarded before, and the closest I have come to snow is at an indoor snow skiing centre in Adelaide, and the occasional scraping out of my freezer¹.

A couple of years ago my Father and Brother went to "The FC"² and my brother came back with a broken leg for his efforts.

In case I do not return, BMW 320i... I... I love you.

[1] I don't recall ever actually cleaning out my freezer.

[2] This week someone dies on a very special FC (probably me).

You got to be woman.

2006-07-17T10:03:00.000+08:00

I bought tickets to the Perth Wolfmother concert late as I thought they were sold out.

All I could get were seated tickets, so we were trying to work out how we could get into the pit when a man approached us with his young son.

"Do you want to swap your seated tickets for standing room ones?"

"Yes. Yes we do."

Brilliant. Straight to the front.

After sitting through ordinary support - "Tucker b's" (is that apostrophe necessary?) and Swedish band "Dungen" (they were ok, but a little too instrumental), Wolfmother finally appeared.

On a scale of 1 to Awesome: Freaking Awesome.

Kelly Slater I am not.

2006-05-15T15:10:00.000+08:00

After reading what I have written below, I realise that it makes me sound rather pathetic. I would like to preface the following text by saying that I am a fairly strong swimmer, and extremely buff when flexing (luckily this is most of the time). Also, my mum told me once that I am the coolest and funniest person she knows.

Last Friday I took the day off work and armed with 3 friends and 4 surfboards we headed down to Yallingup for a weekend surfing trip.

I have been surfing for about a year now, but despite patient instruction from my younger brother, I remain fairly bad at it. I catch waves from time to time, but I am hardly a pro.

Arriving in the afternoon at our caravan park, we immediately headed to the yallingup beach for a surf. The sun was low in the sky and the atmosphere was beautiful as we paddled across the lagoon to the outer edge of the reef, toward the breaking waves.

In November last year we had come on a weekend trip and surfed in this very spot. The day was not nearly as nice as this, and the waves less enticing, but we had set out anyway. One friend headed straight out from the reef to the waves, but my brother and I headed in a north-westerly direction.

A bigger mistake we could not have made. The waves while appearing to be strong coming toward us, in fact hit deeper water and lost any push. After realising this and deciding to move to where our friend had headed, we realised also that there were currents pushing us away from it. Not just your regular currents either, this was a water conveyor belt. We spent half an hour paddling in the same spot before I decided to head in.

So it was that I found myself paddling out on a much nicer day, confident that I would not be making this mistake again.

Not long after thinking this, I made the mistake again.

I managed to paddle out this time, but despite this I did not catch a single wave.

Yallingup: 0 waves caught.

The next day we decided to avoid this spot and headed south to Cowaramup (pronounced kworramup, not Cow a Ram Up, although saying it this way can be more amusing). In 2004 a man was killed here by two sharks ¹.

We continued through the town to a spot called "Left Handers", named due to the waves breaking from right to left, the kind prized by people with goofy feet (like my brother). After reading a plaque dedicated to a man killed by a shark in this spot, we suited up and headed into the surf.

I paddled out without too much difficulty, but only later realised that this was largely due to a current moving out to sea. We had to constantly paddle to stop from being washed too far beyond where the waves were peaking, and with my arms and back killing me from paddling on the conveyor belt the day before, I was quickly exhausted. My brother had a few really nice rides and I could only watch with tired jealousy.

Eventually I realised that staying out there was pointless, as I could barely lift myself from the board (and my brother's neck was hurting) so we decided to paddle in. It took me a good 15 minutes to paddle into shore against the current, and after desperately trying to avoid damaging my board on the rocks in the shallows as waves broke behind me.

My the time I reached the beach I collapsed like a shipwrecked sailor.

Left Handers: 0 waves caught.

We returned to Left Handers on the Sunday. This time the current was coming toward the beach, and hindered by this and constant breaking waves, it took me around 15 minutes to get out. I am not very good at duck-diving waves at the best of times, but with arms and a back and ears that felt like I had been in a fight with a group of Mike Tysons, I had no chance.

I made attempts at catching waves and nearly caught a few. The one I came close to catching was about 10 foot high and held me under for about an hour and a half.

Tumbling around in the surf, I knew I had to relax and let the wave do its thing. Struggling would only cause me to run out of air even faster. This works most of the time, but beyond a certain point your body goes into panic mode.

My brother was laughing at me as first my board emerged, then in b-grade horror style a single fist pearced the surface not so closely followed by my gaping mouth and wide eyes. I am glad he found it funny, but the same thing had happened to him a few minutes earlier.

I decided I was asking for more lung punishment by continuing my surfing attempts with wasted muscles and headed into shore. Luckily this time the current was on my side.

Left Handers Day 2: 0 waves caught.

Total Waves Caught: 0.00

Despite what may seem to be an experience of pain and torment, I actually really enjoyed my 3 days of "Surfing". Some people enjoy swimming in the ocean, or even in a pool, and I see it as a more interesting version of that.

The interesting parts of course being the struggle to get past the waves, the struggle to catch a wave only to be defeated and the chance you will be held under water for longer than you are comfortable by a force 1000 times stronger than the school bully at Adventure World.

Doing all this while holding a sharp 6 foot 4 inch piece of fibreglass and wondering if a shark is eyeing your legs, is a recipe for a great day out.

[1] I later discovered that the two shark attack was actually at Left Handers, the spot we chose for surfing. The beach was supposedly closed afterward, but seemed open when we were there.

Bringing the Funny.

2006-03-28T10:56:00.000+08:00

Last week Paul, Scroop, myself and pretty much everyone else in Perth attended the finals for a local Raw Comedy Stand-up competition.

It was a really good night and nearly all the comedians were really funny.

When I say nearly all the comedians, I mean pretty much all the comedians except for the two female ones.

Now I know this probably makes me sound sexist, but it is pretty rare that I find female comedians funny. When watching the Melbourne Comedy Festival or a similar event on TV, I do find some of the females funny, but to me they really pale in comparison the the men. Their topics unfortunately tend to consist mainly of female cyclic body functions (you know what I'm talking about ladies - and I don't mean pedaling) and comments about having children.

Fearing that my feelings on this matter were a result of my egotistical maleness, I asked several people (male and female) their opinions, and I can't remember anyone disagreeing with me¹.

Does this mean that women generally are less funny than men? Why would this be the case? Is it a result of centuries of male oppression? Is it something to do with the hips?

Do men find men funny and women find women funny? Is our humour targeted at our own sex?

I realise that I could be bringing down a world of female pain on myself by making these comments, but I'm just telling it like it is.

That's just how I roll.

1] It's possible I just have a bad memory.

A Dangerous Amount of Knowledge

2006-02-15T09:56:00.001+08:00

I was watching Look both Ways last night with [person 2] and a character opened a window displaying google. As he opened the window it skewed funkily from the right corner of the screen. The following conversation ensued:

Me: Oh, he must be using a mac.

[person 2]: Google doesn't work on a mac does it?

Me: (chuckling) Yes it does work on a mac. Google is a website. If you have a web browser and an internet connection you can use it.

[person 2]: Oh... but I thought linux didn't have
that...

Me: (laughing) I have got to write that
down.

Keep on Truckin' (Ignore the traffic lights)

2006-01-30T11:59:00.000+08:00

This morning on my way to work I narrowly missed being hit by a truck and probably killed.

The arrow to turn right turned green and I started to move. Noticing only just in time a speeding truck out of the corner of my eye, I braked. If I hadn't, it would have plowed directly into my door.

If my life flashed before my eyes it didn't have any memorable moments.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. The air in the Kwinana Industrial Strip never smelled fresher.

Carpet Equality

2006-01-19T15:50:00.000+08:00

My favourite: Half and half.

I was shopping for carpets recently as I am building a new house. While my wife and I were flipping through a few examples, the shop manager approached us with another sample he thought we may be interested in.

We were looking for lighter colours, and the sample he had brought was almost black. I commented to my wife, "It's not too bad, but do we really want black carpet?". I then added hurriedly with a straight face, "Not that white carpet is any better of course. I believe all carpets are created equal!".

The attendant seemed to miss my joke, and we continued browsing. It was only later when the topic of conversation turned to computer games that I realised he may have taken me a little too seriously.

"Black Hawk Down is great! You get to shoot alot of darkies!", he enthused to me with a grin and a look that implied he knew it was something I would enjoy.

Perhaps I'll get an invite to a KKK meeting when the carpet is delivered.

LeedrickDotNet

2006-01-06T09:34:00.000+08:00

I have created a new blog called LeedrickDotNet on which I will write any posts related to .net programming.

So far I have one tutorial posted on accessing a SQL Server 2005 Integration Services using c#. If I come across any other topics on which I feel there are limited resources I will write more.

I See Blurred People

2005-12-02T09:10:00.000+08:00

Recently I have had a bit of trouble seeing clearly over distance, as objects appear to have a "ghost" around them. Logically I assumed that I was gifted, and seeing the auras of people (and inanimate objects).

Before paying for my business name (Auras R Me) and starting to charge people to tell them what their aura looks like ("kind of blurry, moves around a bit. That will be 50 bucks please!"), I thought it prudent to have an eye test.

After visiting the optometrist last night whilst waiting for a haircut appointment, my dreams of becoming a rich mystic were shattered. You see I have this condition¹: my corneas are irregularly curved, causing light to be refracted at the wrong angle. It's called Keratoconus.

It is a progressive disease, and at the stage mine is at, doesn't seem to be countered by wearing glasses. In fact the glasses (other than make me look a little more intellevision) made me feel like I was on drugs, only with less reptiles, and no bats (having never taken drugs, I am comparing it to scenes from Fear and Loathing).

It seems I need to wear rigid contact lenses or get cornea implants before I can see any reasonable improvement.

I rushed over to Just Cuts to be half an hour late for my appointment. Perhaps it was punishment for being late, perhaps Karma that placed me in the care of the worst hairdresser in the world.

She began by muttering something behind my head, which through asking her to repeat herself three times I translated to "Hi my name's Roslyn, I'll be [mutter mutter]^2". It became obvious quickly that this lady had failed at least the polite small-talk unit of her hairdressing course with flying colours. I felt compelled to help her along a little by simply giving her the answers to questions she was supposed to be asking.

"I work as a programmer".

"oh".

"I'm going away for the Christmas break, are you doing anything?".

"Not really".

As the conversation progressed (as was only possible from here), she gradually started making comments to which I regularly responded with an interested "really?". "Yeah!" she would reply, with a fluctuating tone implying that she thought I was accusing her of lying.

Despite this flying start, she was soon telling me about how her mother had died of cancer and she knew another lady that had her haircut recently who had breast cancer and her son's girlfriend's dad died of cancer and did I know anyone with cancer, or who had died?

Meanwhile my haircut was going downhill rapidly. I hadn't bothered to ask her to give me a medium Faux-Hawk, as I assumed she wouldn't know what that was³. Instead I had described in detail the simple concept of my desired haircut. Toward the end I was telling her specific hairs she should probably cut (and at what angle), and offering polite suggestions that my hair may need to be wet a little.

Oh and I have this condition with my eyes.

[1] I also have a second condition whereby I forget that I have told people about my eye condition every 15 minutes.

[2] In hindsight, I think she said "giving you a bad haircut and providing you with limited, but depressing conversation".

[3] Actually even the experts at Morris Meade^TM likely wouldn't have known what I was on about.

Moving Up

2005-11-14T12:16:00.000+08:00

A couple of weeks ago I was offered a job in the smelliest suburb of Perth, possibly even Western Australia. Instead of working on St George's Terrace, surrounded by the sights, sounds and tastes of the city, I was offered the chance to sit within a fertiliser production plant, probably being paid in all the superphosphate I can eat¹.

Obviously I have decided to take the job.

In other news, I have decided to buy a surfboard. My previous failures to surf like a pro on a board borrowed from my father I have put down to a deficiency of the board rather than myself.

It is my firm belief I need only to buy a flashier looking, more expensive piece of fibreglass to set things right.

[1] Chemical fertilisers should not be eaten by anyone other than trained professionals, and possibly vegetarians.

Sign de Triumph

2005-09-30T08:49:00.000+08:00

Last night I was driving on the freeway and came across some more extensive roadworks with a speed limit of 60kph. Entering this area I noticed an electronic sign beside the road.

"71kph" it displayed as the car in front of me went through, "Slow Down".

As my car aproached the sign it read "59kph", and then "Well Done!".

I am ashamed to say I felt a moment of triumph as I was complimented by the sign. Like the less conquering Napoleon I even uttered a quiet "Yes!" and pumped the air with my fist.

I think I will get one of those signs for my lounge room.

Smatest SPAM EVER

2005-09-23T08:35:00.000+08:00

Do you really want to hurt me?

2005-09-20T21:23:00.000+08:00

I just noticed today that my friend scroop¹ has commented out his link to my site. I would like to say I don't care, but I think most of my 2 hits a week are referrals from his site.

Why? Was I dragging him down in his google ranking? Was my writing brow not of sufficient height?

Fascist.

[1] Purposely not linked out of spite.

ASM Landscaping

2005-09-15T11:24:00.000+08:00

I recently finished a website for a friend (http://www.asmlandscaping.com.au). I don't consider myself much of a graphic designer, but I think it turned out ok.

Spot the glowing testimonial from yours truly.

This beautiful creature must die.

2005-09-13T13:08:00.000+08:00

Earlier today I was listening to Meat is Murder by the Smiths. Hurrah for me.

Anyway, I just finished my lunch and realised that I had purchased and eaten a Turkish bread roll that not only did not contain a steak, it did not contain any meat at all.

I had obviously been affected subliminally by the song, and it became clear why scroop is such a fan of the band.

In a cold sweat I reached to ensure that the size of my head had not increased. It hadn't, I discovered with some comfort, but I cannot be certain my movie taste has not been altered until I sit down and watch something cool.

No need to panic... I just need to find somewhere that sells meat shakes. And fast.

Script Lab

2005-07-28T09:06:00.000+08:00

Last night I attended a script lab for one of Director Bob's screenplays. Click here and read his posts about the dramas he has had so far with the film. It sure is alot more interesting than anything you are likely to read here.

So by now (if you bothered to return to this page) you will know the fustration he has experienced at the hand of the inept producers. Bob has poured his all (or at least his most) into this script, and it would be a huge mistake for anyone but him to direct it.

In addition to the tales of horror you will read of the producers on his site, I experienced one first hand as I arrived last night:

A girl was standing at the door taking names and asking if each had RSVPd so that she might find them on her list. As (inept producer 1) arrived and she asked if he had responded to the invitation, he replied with a chuckle "Yes, I'm the writer".

In case any are confused, he is NOT the writer. If he were, the script would be about a 40-something woman that shook her head while staring at a coffee mug each time something didn't go her way. I am not exagerating. This prediction is based on past behavior, so it's a FACT - ask Dr Phil.

On the bright side, the reading went really well. Most of the actors did a great job and it was good to sit back and take it in objectively. The audience responded really well to the humour, and I think Bob got a great deal of constructive criticism.

Don't worry Bob - have a cigar, you're gonna go far. Just remember the little people when you have a solid gold toilet.

Celebration

2005-06-28T14:57:00.000+08:00

And let us never speak of it again.

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=53870

Television Karaoke

2005-06-23T09:18:00.000+08:00

Last night was the premier of the US version of "The Office" on TV. I feel that I should share my thoughts after actually seeing the show.

This is the process that the production company took when creating the american version:

Change Brittish storylines and dialogue slightly to make them less funny.
Insert american television references.
Add new story elements that are not very funny.
Make subtle subplots more obvious.
Change the names of the Brittish characters.
Employ worse actors that are less funny.

David Brent has gone from a believable complex character to one as shallow as spit on a frying pan.

What motivation would an actor have to be in a show like this? It's like television karaoke, sung by someone that doesn't speak the language in which the song was written.

That's it. No more. I promise¹

[1] Not a real promise.

Handbags and Glad Rags

2005-06-15T21:42:00.000+08:00

A few years ago I discovered (or rather was directed) to a BBC2 program showing on the ABC. The first episode I saw made me laugh. By the third episode I was completely hooked and I had downloaded all the episodes I had missed. The show of course was The Office.

I have recommended this show to everyone I have spoken to since that moment. I have performed my probably bad impressions of David and Gareth to anyone even briefly looking in my direction. I think it was the best comedy show to be released in the last ten years.

A few nights ago I watched australian television for the first time in a month and onto the screen came an advert for none other than the AMERICAN VERSION OF THE OFFICE.

I don't think I can accurately convey how it made me feel. I believe it is a mix between anger, and dissapointment in Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant for condoning it. It's even advertised on the BBC2's Office website for pete's sake.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a surprise that it has been done. I heard that it was happening a long time ago. At first I hoped it was a horrible rumour, but after a while I just hoped it would never be shown here.

"Why?.... Why?" I keep asking my computer screen (hoping it will somehow give me the answer without telling me I need to build another computer to find out the question). The english version is fantastic, do they really think they can do it better? Do they think the american public didn't understand the funny accents?

I tried to explain how I felt to Luce today and he said he had nothing against remakes and thought they were like covers of songs. Whilst I respect his opinion, I think he is a moron. Remakes are nearly always terrible. They are made because people run out of ideas, but still want to make money - and the terrible thing is: they often do.

A song cover can be good if it is done better or if it is a tribute to the original writer/performer. I don't see this as either. It is a slap in the face for the writers and performers and they don't even care.

Another problem I have is that the US version is showing on a major commercial station, while the BBC show only aired on the government run and less watched ABC station. This means that many people may actually see the US version without even realising the BBC show existed!

I can just imagine going into work to overhear a conversation between the marketing girls talking about a great new original show on channel ten called "The Office". They will then have to wonder why I bit clean through a nearby table.

I know I have ranted more than usual and anyone accidentally reading this page will have stopped reading long ago, so let me close by screaming "GOGLHOOZLFRAGGLEWATTZ!".

fin.

Holiday Photos

2005-06-08T21:01:00.000+08:00

I am back in Perth and recovering from my jet lag. For those that are interested, I have uploaded some photos of my trip.

Let me know what you think.

To Hull and Back

2005-06-02T22:16:00.000+08:00

I haven't had a chance to post in a while due to hectic visiting of carries family and lack of internet cafes (or cafees as they are called in England).

On Friday night we had dinner with mostyn and Mel and then ice cream in Leicester Square. It wasn't as good as the italian ice cream, but the location was great.

The next day we left to stay with carries cousin in Western Super Mare, which i can only assume was named after a gunslinging female horse wearing a cape. It is quite a nice place, full of green rolling hills on which we had an excellent picnic overlooking one of the gorges near cheddar. Being a big fat cheese eater myself, I took the opportunity to consume as much cheese as I could.

While travelling over here I have grown to realise just how great the beaches in perth really are. The "sea side" in WSM was a long stretch of mud with a tide than goes out nearly as far as you can see. Apparently people have died by walking out and getting stuck. A large pier extends from the beach with pokies and rides for kids at the end.

I am now in Hull staying with carries grandparents. Contrary to what Lucien believes, Hull is a mecca of culture and sophistication.

It is the grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary party on saturday night and I intend to smoke up the dance floor. I expect it to be a great photo opportunity.

Life sized monopoly

2005-05-27T17:10:00.000+08:00

We have been through Paris (more detail on the cheese eating surrender monkeys later) and arrived in London yesterday. We are staying in a hotel right in the middle of piccadilly, oxford, regent and many other streets named after those in monopoly.

Before we left on our trip I organised tickets to les miserables and dinner at a place called the "grill room" at "the cafe" for "dinner" for last night. The food was spectacular and the show was equally great.

Each course was made up three small dishes. The highlight for me was a starter dish that tasted like nothing i had ever experienced before. I later found out it was duck liver (and other things). The french maitre d was extremely friendly and we had a really good time.

Tonight i am looking forward to catching up with mostyn.

Revenge of the Lucas

2005-05-26T02:39:00.000+08:00

On the second night in nice the cute little french lady running our hotel directed us to a cinema playing the original (non dubbed) version of the revenge of the sith.

Firstly, I must commend the french on their ability to make cinema seats. They are like mini couches, covered in velour. It made the large grunting man with the bad breath sitting next to me slightly more bearable.

I think I need to see the movie again to judge it properly. When I saw attack of the clones in the cinema, I managed to come out thinking it was decent with faults. I saw it more recently and barely stopped cringing the entire time.

The things I did not enjoy:

The stupid personalities given to the droids. This is something that has happened through all the prequels and here is no exception. Droids saying "uh oh!" is annoying. Nothing as bad as the stupid head swapping of c3po in episode 2 though.
Darth vader saying NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Apart from that I thought the story, acting and directing were a lot better than the other two. I am of course only comparing to the other two prequels and not to any serious movie. Anakin was less wooden in my mind and I thought the scenes between he and obiwan were pretty good toward the end.

Ian mcdiamid was great as always and was the highlight of the film for me. The transition of anakin to the dark side was certainly better than I expected it to be. You could at least understand partially why he might make the decision under the conditions. The attempt by palpatine was certainly more believable than his attempt in return of the jedi to turn luke. He must have been getting old and out of practice.

In short it was better than the other two prequels, with some memorable parts. I am convinced however, that lucas fluked the original trilogy.

Cannes Finally

2005-05-26T02:23:00.000+08:00

My two days in Nice were spent feeling really sick, and sorry for myself for feeling sick. I had three feverous nights and each time awoke next to my wife, who was trying to stay afloat in the pool of sweat I had created.

On the first night I managed to get to Cannes. I wandered down to the seafront where the crowds were taking photos of what appeared to be celebrities. I didn't recognise anyone, but took a few photos of the ones that drew attention anyway in case I found out who they were later on.

When I approached the Palais, I managed to spot the french guy who played the Merovingian in the Matrix sequels.

We wandered around and purchased some quality french kebabs (they have chips in them). When we arrived back at the Palais, we were just in time to see the Palme D'or awarded by morgan freeman and hillary swank on the big screen outside.

Nice

2005-05-21T18:01:00.000+08:00

We arrived in Nice two hours ago on the train from hell. It took 12 hours (leaving at 11pm), and the train was packed with people going to the grand prix in monaco, so we didn't get any sleep.

I'm about to crash, but will hopefully go to Cannes tonight. Martine, the lady that runs the hotel I'm staying at tells me tonight is the last night of the festival.

I still have not seen revenge of the sith (or La Vendetta de Sith as it is known in italy) but apparently there is a theatre in Nice that plays films in their original language so maybe we will see it tomorrow.

I am most dissapointed that I missed the midnight screening in perth. I always enjoy myself at the starwars premiers, even if the movie was not so good. In Rome I noticed a huge stage being erected with star wars propoganda all over it, so perhaps some of the people involved would have shown up for the opening night.

If you did go to the midnight screening, please post some comments on how it went.

Desdemona...

2005-05-20T22:37:00.000+08:00

Ciao.

We arrived in venice yesterday after spending a day in florence. Florence was very nice, although unfortunately the weather turned a little ugly. We went exploring into the residential areas up some hills while we were there and it was nice to take a break from the tourist markets.

We are staying in a fantastic little guest house near the centre of Venice. The man who owns it is the friendliest guy we have met so far. Carrie says he reminds her of a short Dick Van Dyke.

Today we went to Murrano, the venetian island famous for its glassmaking, bought glass and watched them sculpt it. Apparently centuries ago the highly prized glass makers were killed if they tried to leave the island.

I have been searching for some european sophistication for lucien, but so far have only been able to find it in small tins. I am sure lucien would need more than this, but it is just too expensive. American sophistication is much cheaper so perhaps Ill buy a drum of that.

Tonight we go to Nice, and I hope to take a trip to Cannes while we are there. We are both looking forward to relaxing after following tourist crowds for so long.

For some reason while staying here I keep getting the urge to smother my wife with a pillow...

2005-05-17T14:41:00.000+08:00

So far the weather has been awesome with blue skies and temperatures in the 30s and I was wondering how all the plantlife remained so green. This morning I woke to the sound of heavy rain, so I guess the fine weather is intermittent.

Yesterday we spent the day in awe of the ruins of Pompeii. You can see the entire city almost as it was, preserved by the volcanic ash of Vesuvius' eruption. The amphitheatre is apparently the oldest in existence (the city was built 6 to 800 bc), and used many times to slaughter Christians. Political graffiti marks the walls, written by scribes hired by polititians. It is a must see if you come to Italy.

Today we will finish our exploring of Rome before heading to Florence. Today we explore the coliseum and if we have time the Vatican.

When in Rome

2005-05-16T13:44:00.000+08:00

Greetings from Roma.

We arrived yesterday morning at 5 am completely jetlagged and hoping to crash, only to be told that we couldn't get into our room until 3. Luckily we are staying very close to the old part of rome (a hostel called M&J Place) so we grabbed a map and started walking.

In preparation for coming here I had seen many photos and read alot about the city but nothing prepared me for actually being here. We saw the capuccin crypt, trevi fountain, the pantheon the colusseum, the tomb for the unknown soldier all before lunch time an it was hard to take in. The pantheon was absolutely breathtaking. I wont even attemt to describe it - I only hope the photos I took can help you to understand.

I have never had icecream like what they sell here... or pizza... or pasta... anyone would think they invented the stuff.

In a few minutes I will be leaving to spend the day in the shadow of mount vesuvius, in pompei.

ciao.

Eurotrip (Drunk teenagers not included)

2005-05-14T11:10:00.000+08:00

In three hours I will be leaving on a jet plane. I don't really know when I'll be back again. Hang on... It says right here 13th of June. Sorry.

Early on in our planning for this trip, my wife and I decided as we would be traveling through Italy, France and England we would attempt to learn both French and Italian before leaving (we couldn't be bothered learning English).

3 months ago we purchased a French lesson pack and completed a total of one lessons. Since then I have had a glimpse at an Italian phrase book. Am I unprepared? Will people be rude to me when I get there and say "Can I eat your bathroom?" when trying to buy a train ticket? Why do men have nipples? - these are all questions running through my head as I type.

I am reasonably convinced that if I put on a strong enough French/Italian accent when speaking English, and gesticulate wildly, everything will be fine.

If anyone would like me to pick anything up for them while I am away, speak now or forever hold your peace - and before you ask Lucien, no I will not bring you back a bodyboard bag of hash.

I will endeavour to post my experiences here as I travel, though I will likely need to add photographs later.

Peace out.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

2005-04-30T12:43:00.000+08:00

My dad introduced me to the tapes of the radio series at a very young age and I subsequently read all the books (at the time there were only 4 in the trilogy, ending with "So long and thanks for all the fish"). If any of you have not had contact with the series on either of these mediums I urge you to do so as soon as possible. Douglas Adams is intelligent and hilarious. I certainly try to include references to his books when I can.

What I really wanted to comment on in this section was the movie. Let me start by saying that overall the movie was great and I heartily recommend it. I experienced some disappointment however, when some of my favourite jokes were either shortened, or did not make it to the film at all. Allow me to provide an example:

In the film, while Arthur Dent is lying in front of a bulldozer attempting to stop construction workers from demolishing his house in order to construct a bypass, the following conversation (or very similar) occurs:

Construction Worker: "Look you can't complain Mr Dent, the plans have been on display at the council office for weeks now!"

Arthur: "Yes! In the basement!"

Sure, it is mildly amusing. But allow me to present the original version from the book:

Mr Prosser said "You were quite entitled to make any suggestions or protests at
the appropriate time, you know."

"Appropriate time?" hooted Arthur. "Appropriate time? The first I knew about it was when a workman arrived at my home yesterday. I asked him if he'd come to clean the windows and he said no, he'd come to demolish the house. He didn't tell me straight away of course. Oh no. First he wiped a couple of windows and charged me a fiver. Then he told me."

"But Mr. Dent, the plans have been available in the local planning
office for the last nine months."

"Oh yes, well, as soon as I heard I went straight round to see them, yesterday afternoon. You hadn't exactly gone out of your way to call attention to them, had you? I mean, like actually telling anybody or anything."

"But the plans were on display..."

"On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them."

"That's the display department."

"With a flashlight."

"Ah, well, the lights had probably gone."

"So had the stairs."

"But look, you found the notice, didn't you?"

"Yes," said Arthur, "yes I did. It was on display on the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying 'Beware of the
Leopard.'"

Do you see? DO YOU SEE? Alas, but if they were going to include every funny section in entirety from the books, the movie would have had to be a five part trilogy. Not too bad a thing in my opinion, but no-doubt Disney thought they were taking a risk with just one movie, with its "bizarre humour"¹.

But I don't want to come across completely negative. The casting was mostly great. I still think that Ford would have come across better if he were British (although Mos Def was excellent for alot of the movie) but Zaphod, Slartibartfast, Marvin, Arthur and The Guide were well cast. The added plotlines and jokes also worked well for the most part.

See the movie, but afterwards take the time out to read the books.

[1] By bizarre humour I mean not "Everyone Loves Raymond" or "Becker".

Recap

2005-04-30T11:48:00.000+08:00

My posting to this website recently (as no doubt the two people I force to read it daily have noticed) has been about as routine as Rosie O'Donnell's Aerobics classes. I don't mean to pick on Rosie... Wait. Yes I do. She did after all spoil the ending of fight club for many people.

But enough about fridges. To tell you the truth, I don't have any one thing I want to spend a lot of time writing about, so I might just provide a paragraph on a variety of topics. I certainly wouldn't want to bore you by over-expounding anything.

Cannes

Remarkably accurate artist's impression of Lucien correcting my pronunciation of "Cannes".

Although recently corrected by Luce to the true pronunciation, I have not managed to get tickets to any part of the festival as I had planned. I didn't even try - I am just too lazy. I will still visit the city while the festival is on to check it out, but Rob's brother Mostyn will not be joining me due to having ballet practice or not enough money or something - I don't remember exactly.

The Film
Rob assures me that his feature film is going ahead, with me starring as the three main characters¹. At this very minute I believe he is arguing his case with one of the producers to keep his new addition to the script: an exploding rocket car. My opinion is that his latest draft does add necessary depth to the characters, but it is likely to ultimately come down to budget.

My Trailbike
My wife tells me she thought she saw someone who lives up the road riding a bike that looks like mine (it was stolen a while ago). Unfortunately my wife also thinks that Postie bikes look exactly the same as a GSXR 1000, so I can't get too excited. I will however plan some covert secret squirrel spying to learn more. If I do not return readers, please avenge my death.

[1] The previous part may have been invented by my schizophrenia. I can't be too sure these days, what with all the bats flying around distracting me.

Herr Direktor

2005-01-25T11:46:00.000+08:00

Bless me Interweb for I have sinned. It has been Freaking Ages since my last post.

The time of mourning is over. I am ready to move on. I have found closure, and I will now break my bitter blog-drought.

In the last couple of¹ months I went down to Albany and had a great time. I added an impressive scar to my already horribly disfigured face whilst surfing², started to learn French and read Rob's new feature film script a few times.

Which brings me to the topic of this post. A while ago Rob complained that he had not had a mention on the website - I explained that it was because his script had not yet been greenlit, and I don't just write about anybody.

I soon realised after reading back through earlier posts involving Luce that I DO actually talk about just anybody, so my policy (due to its inconsistency) has now been revoked.

The above image was taken while shooting a scene for a film called "Watch this Space" - still in post production. The giant in the photo is Paul Cechner and the three midgets beside him are Rob, Sam and myself.

Robbly (or Rob Lee as he likely prefers) is an aspiring movie director/writer and like most aspiring director/writers he is currently unemployed, struggling to support his coke habit³.

I met rob through a work friend, at the time going by the name of Mostyn. I know what you are thinking and you would be right. Despite his stupid name, Mostyn was a really cool guy and his brother Rob was slightly more cool due to having less ferral red hair.

Not long after meeting Rob we made a short film entitled "Neon Holiday". Despite having me as the star, a car chase and a stunt involving me being hit by a car and cracking a windscreen with my head/elbow, it didn't make it into the festival for which it was made. The people selecting the films spouted some rubbish about it not meeting the "box theme" criteria. Telling them we were artists⁴ and did not follow conventions unfortunately did not help our cause.

We have since made another two films and both have been damned to post production for eternity.

Currently Rob is working on the script that will pull the Australian film industry out of its slump and make him famous. I may have a small part in the film, have been offering advice⁵ on it, and we have been doing readthroughs regularly.

Perhaps Cannes is not so unreachable after all...

[1] This word placed stubbornly in resistance to Americanism.
[2] Trying.
[3] Coca Cola. I'm sure the hard stuff will come later, once he makes the bigtime.
[4] Footnote not required.
[5] Most of my suggestions so far have been to include more monkeys, flamethrowers and clowns of which none have been included.

Heavy tears, badge of my woe

2004-12-14T17:21:00.000+08:00

Two nights ago my trailbike was stolen from my garage.

I can still remember with fondness the barking sound the engine made as it hurtled around a corner spraying mud into the air. The sweet smell of petrol fumes it gracefully emitted while lying sideways on the ground after a regular collision with a tree.

How people believe they are justified in taking something from someone, however financially challenged they are is beyond me. It makes me angry. They wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

The bike was not insured, and yesterday I was informed that it was not covered by my house and contents insurance.

I will miss that little guy. At least I have the memories.

There is no emoticon for what I am feeling!

Writing Genius

2004-11-25T09:20:00.000+08:00

I recently happened to see a television show I wouldn't normally watch. Honest.

During this episode (which I was soon to realise was a Special Unmissable Heartbreaking one), there was some dialogue that really stood out to me above the rest. Let me first give it some credit, as I believe it could be the first accurate use of the word "ironic" I have heard on American television¹.

Black Haired Guy:

"Its quite ironic that [30 year old mother of 26 year old girl pretending to be a teenager] left her husband because he was broke, decided to marry you and now you are going to be bankrupt"

Old, Rich Soon to be Poor Guy:

"I don't believe in irony..."

GENIUS! When I grow up I want to write dialogue like that. Since when has belief in irony been optional? It's like saying you don't believe in rhyming!

[1] No offence intended to my North American readers, it's just that sarcasm and irony appear to be the same word in your dictionary. The true meaning of irony must have been lost along with the second i in aluminium.

Cannes Ya Mug

2004-11-19T15:43:00.000+08:00

My wife and I have been planning a trip to europe for years now. Last week we visited a travel agent and paid for airfares, booked accommodation etc.

We will be starting in Rome, working our way through Venice and Florence, Nice, Paris then around england. It was while studying information on Nice, that I realised it was right next to Cannes.

You can imagine my excitement as I discovered that we would actually be staying in Nice for the last two days of the 2005 Cannes Film Festival. Brilliant! I thought, thinking that I could nip over on the train to catch a film and perhaps kidnap a famous director. Unfortunately you need to apply for a pass, and only people in the film industry are considered.

Actors are of course on the list, but somehow I don't think Acting Chairperson for the local CWA counts. Perhaps the ripples of praise caused by my acting attempts in short films will have been noticed in France by then...

Film students are considered too, so enrolling in a course at FTI might cut the mustard. In any case, whether I write my own award winning screenplay or tunnel my own entrance, I will find a way - and keep you posted.

Half-Life 2 Eyes

2004-11-17T13:54:00.000+08:00

Last night as you all know Half-Life 2 was released¹. Like other anticipated games such as Halo 2 and Doom 3, massive hype and hysteria has been building as the release date approached. Unlike Halo 2 and Doom 3, it was entirely justified.

The game is totally awesome. The programming skill that went into developing the physics engine blows me away. It has to be seen to be believed. Buy it now.

Unfortunately the game does come with a downside. Last night I managed to develop a disorder I have dubbed "Half-Life 2 Eyes". Due to a severely lowered blink rate whilst playing the game, my eyes turned a dodgy red colour and started to sting. Eventually I was forced to stop, not of my own will, but by being clubbed on the back of the head by well meaning ambulance officers. At least I think that's what they were - I hope they bring my Television back.

[1] Ok, so maybe some people reading this are not geeks (pffft... Don't kid yourselves). In case your memory needs jogging (or at least a quick workout with a medicine ball), Valve released Half-Life back in 1999 cleaning up all the Game of the Year awards and creating a platform for mods such as Counter-Strike, which is still played by many nerds in LAN Gaming Centres around the world today. 6 months after its release they started working on the sequel. You may find it interesting reading of the development process.

I am Moto Man.

2004-11-07T08:22:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I went trail bike riding with some friends up on Metro road off Brookton Highway. It is a great spot with loads of good tracks. While the others were getting ready, I took off around the area in which we parked wanting to test out my new front tyre.

I was getting some good speed up, taking corners reasonably well and I was feeling quite confident. I decided to go over the jump (about 3 foot high with a landing ramp) and I launched myself gracefully with a near perfect landing (at least compared with my other attempts). I was feeling good about the day and when I came to a stop near my friends I was about to raise my fists and yell "I am the dirt bike king!" but stalled my bike before I had a chance.

Later on I was leading the group (probably due to the fact that Blake was carrying his exhaust which had fallen off earlier and holding the others up) and I was keeping a pretty good pace¹. I was feeling quite pleased with myself once again until I rounded a corner and smashed the left of my bar into a tree sending me sailing into the ground.

My worst injury was the end of my thumb that was somehow speared onto the end of my nail. I suspect this was caused by my Bark Buster² snapping in half and hitting my thumb. My brake lever had been snapped off and my headlight bracket twisted, but I was able to carefully ride it back using my rear brake.

[1] For me.

[2] Actually they were not genuine Bark Busters (hard plastic without the metal). Next time they will be.

Idiot...

2004-11-05T08:20:00.000+08:00

Today I closed a door on my head.

Help me George Lucas, you're my only hope...

2004-11-05T08:05:00.000+08:00

I discovered today that the first teaser for Revenge of the Sith has been released. If you would like to donate to Mr Lucas' Flannelette fund you can sign up for hyperspace and see it. Or if for some strange reason you don't want to, you can get it for free here.

Even though I feel I was burned by the first two prequels (moreso by the first), I can't help but get excited by this teaser. I think part of why I like it (why it gave me goosebumps) was that hearing Alec Guiness' voice reminded me of when star wars was classy.

I really hope he does it properly this time. A vain hope I have come to realise (like hoping Michael Bay makes a movie without slow motion "cool-walking") but I will cling to it, like a child - scared by a weird looking clown - to an older brother.

I will be at the midnight screening as usual and I'll be caught up in the hype yet again. The geeks foaming at the mouth as they re-enact lightsaber battles over cinema seats, the guy with his laptop doing some L337 hackz0ring while he waits for the film and the cheers as Tubby Luke strikes another fatal blow to a guy in darth maul pajamas. I can hardly wait - I just want the movie to be good too.

Oh, and don't see The Forgotten.

See you in the monkey house, Australia!

2004-10-26T16:30:00.000+08:00

It seems quite common amongst the blogging community (at least with my friends) to talk about books they own or are reading in perhaps an attempt to prove their intelligence. Paul, may speak of science fiction and books attempting to explain the possibility of time travel, while Scroop throws a tantrum complaining that Paul stole the books from him and how he is meaning to read them as soon as he finishes "How to be a Vegetarian and Still Appear Manly to Those People Who Don't Know You Very Well - For Dummies".

I on the other hand would like to tell you about Smithereens, a recently published book by Shaun Micallef. For those of you not familiar with Shaun, he has had several television shows on the abc (The Micallef Program, The Micallef Programme) and also a briefly aired talk show on channel nine called Micallef Tonight. He also appears from time to time on The Panel, another favourite show of mine.

All were hilarious. The trouble is that for some reason too many people (communists obviously) disagreed with me, hence Micallef Tonight on channel 9 was axed, while far inferior programs such as Rove Live continue to exist.

Anyway, Smithereens is a highly entertaining read and makes me feel very intelligent¹. Buy it today, and tell Shaun I sent you for a 50% discount².

On an unrelated note, I purchased a Sunday Times on the weekend and I must say, I am glad they for one are snapping up the big news stories. Page one contained news that Delta had split with her boyfriend due to Paris Hilton's wiles, page 3 was about how David Beckham went to the tennis and page 5 revealed that Hewit's fiance had dumped him. Does this mean I need to start buying Woman's Day to hear the gos about the bombings in Iraq and the earthquakes in Japan?

Lucky for me I only bought it to toilet train my puppy.

[1] Any time I manage to find someone to read it to me, then explain the jokes³.

[2] No discount will be actually given.

[3] A few times.

Frankie the Killer Pooch

2004-10-24T20:55:00.000+08:00

It started with an ordinary trip to the shopping centre with my wife and ended with me agreeing to buy a dog. Not that it was very hard - I have wanted a dog my whole life.

And what a dog. I don't mean to brag, but I now own the cutest dog in the entire world. Yes including Lassie. Yes, also the dog in the Sorbent ad.

Not only is she the cutest dog in the world but she is also the smartest. In literally five minutes we had her sitting and then lying down - not bad for the first day. With this speedy success in mind, I am already mulling over ideas for training that will help with my plot for world domination (which is going nicely by the way).

Another fantastic use for my new killing machine would be for cat eating. Not just any cat of course (it wouldn't do to have it eating my two for example - well ok, maybe the grumpy one), I would have to train it to eat specific cats, like Scroop's for example. Ever since the incident¹, I have been plotting my revenge on that miniature Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. Honestly I would be doing him a favour anyway as I am sure it is not just his looks and vegetarianism to blame for his lack of a girlfriend. Unnatural affection for a tabby cat is more than enough to scare away the most desperate of women.

[1] Like a furry, more eloquent version of George W. Bush, it launched a preemptive strike on my arm, using it as a fireman-pole for her descent from a bench to the floor. I still wake at night in a cold sweat.

Movie Snobbery

2004-10-22T09:44:00.000+08:00

Several times in the past I have been accused by friends of being a movie snob, and well, I am. Inasmuch as I would not be particularly polite if Hitler came barging into my house demanding a cup of tea (I would probably give him too much milk so that it went cold quickly. Ha!), I don't feel that I should be polite and accepting of every Hollywood sludgefest that I happen to see.

Don't get me wrong, I usually avoid these films like the plague. The words "Jerry Bruckheimer" and "Michael Bay" strike fear into my heart in the same way as "I'm sorry Mr Leedrick, but we are going to demolish your planet to make way for an intergalactic bypass" would.

When I happen to be choosing a video to watch with any of my more accepting friends. I usually subtly attempt to sway the choosing in my favour, for example. "Seriously [insert name] only a communist moron would want to watch Timeline. Lets watch 21 Grams, it's a romantic comedy starring Martin Lawrence and Will Smith". It doesn't always work.

My wife has reasonably similar tastes in movies, but where our tastes veer in different directions is when it comes to Mafia and samurai films. After "inflicting" Yojimbo and Rashomon onto her recently, I felt I should make it up to her with a cheesy blockbuster she sometimes enjoys. That is how last night I found myself sitting in front of The Day After Tomorrow.

How a movie about the world being destroyed by crazy weather patterns can be made to be so boring I don't know. It was probably something to do with the ordinary characters and uninteresting subplots. In my wife's defense, she thought it was terrible too.

Thank goodness for Charlie Kaufman, Jeunet and David Fincher.

Self Importance Online

2004-10-20T10:13:00.000+08:00

I have decided that I feel self important enough to post my disorganised thoughts to the world.

Thanks to my enormous-headed friend scroop, I realised the true value of the blog: to bag out your friends online.

Shine on you crazy diamond.